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Of course, one may and probably should make contact with their own religious leaders; but unfortunately, doubt and disbelief in faith may cause anxiety for the bereaved and they feel afraid or ashamed to approach within their own religious affiliation.  Knowing that counselors with a working knowledge of their beliefs as well as others’ beliefs who can work with and guide their clients in an atmosphere of understanding, can be a tremendous boon to society in general.   In general, people want to live within the dogma of their particular faith; however, many seek a “filter” from the concentrated dogmatic approach of their religious leader.  For many, a strict dogma may be too overwhelming to deal with on top of healing through their grief.   Metaphysical Counselors can become a dampening field or liaison.  By keeping the spiritual aspect in mind throughout the guidance process, while not forcing strict adherence to a particular code of conduct.  Once the healing is progressing, the counselor can then help support the gradual reinstitution of the bereaved back into their religious practices.  The Metaphysical Counselor, in no way, is trying to change a person’s beliefs.  They work with a person’s beliefs not against them, by acting like a safety net.

Hopefully, many other spiritual counselors within a society will understand and support the Metaphysical Counselor and the purpose of their aid.  With any luck, the counselors within a community may set up a network with which to not only learn about the beliefs of others for understanding, but also to help one another by helping the community as a universal spiritual society.  The diversity of society and the human race as well as the unique thought processes of each being requires alternative viewpoints and approaches to reach the same information.  This social network of counselors can provide these alternatives with personal insight and experience.

I use a quote from John E. Welshons in his book, “Awakening from Grief”, 2000, as an underlying theme when providing comfort and guidance through the grieving process,  “Each person who enters our life, and every experience we have is a teacher.  Some things we learn about ourselves amaze us.  Some trouble us.  But through it all, each relationship continues… Everyone we have loved has become a part of us… And no relationship, created in love, can ever die…”

A Metaphysical approach to spiritual grief counseling grants the practitioner the capability to aid and guide bereaved or grieving members of the community through an ability to relate with a broad scope of knowledge pertaining to spiritual beliefs’ view of death and dying.  This knowledge allows the practitioner to adapt their counseling techniques more easily to those of differing belief systems.  Though individual beliefs have infinite possibilities, grief is an emotion that is experienced universally.  It is said that no one can be an expert in grief counseling, as no two people deal with grief in the same manner.  One can, however, become an expert at being a comforting spiritual presence with an open mind and an even more wide-open heart.  With continued pursuit and exploration of counseling techniques as well as staying informed and aware of differing spiritual beliefs in the community, Metaphysical counseling provides a lifetime of learning while at the same time growing both socially and spiritually.

Development and use of a personalized Metaphysical approach to grief counseling, or even spiritual counseling in general, can have a profound impact in one’s community as well as society.  The universality of grief and the inescapable reality that everyone will have to face and heal through their own grief at least once in their life enhances the status of a spiritual guide through such seemingly dark times.  As for a Metaphysical Counselor, the sheer diversity of belief structures that exist within one’s own community and the ability to adapt an accommodating rationale to guide the bereaved to heal through their grief creates an almost indispensable asset to society.

Dr. Huggins is a Graduate of The University of Metaphysics with a Doctoral Degree in Metaphysical Counseling and a Masters Degree in Metaphysical Science.  He is a co-founder of http://www.sekhemonline.net/.  Dr. Huggins also creates hand made spiritually-inspired art and gifts through Scintilla Artwork.

In the use of these communication skills as well as active listening and attending behavior in general, sometimes it is necessary to phrase things in the form of questions in order to draw out the client’s feelings and emotions.  There are two types of questions; closed and open.  Closed questions are those that can be answered with a “yes” or “no” answer.  In a Metaphysical Grief Counseling session, closed questions are not very helpful in drawing out feelings, but may be used to clarify a statement.  If a counselor poses too many closed questions, the session feels more like an interview.  Open questions are questions that demand no “right” answer.  They tend to be open-ended and based on opinion.  Open questions allow for the exploration of thought and emotion that the bereaved may be experiencing.  They help create a discovery process.  With open questions, an intimacy is created within the session that allows for vulnerability and trust to develop.  This trust develops a warmth and progressive acceptance of what the client is experiencing and allows the client to see the counselor as caring and genuinely sensitive.

Some forms of questions, both open and closed should be avoided.  Leading questions place the client in a bad position.  For example, “Are you still beating your wife?” immediately puts the client in a negative light.  Value-laden or moral-driven questions should also be avoided.   Asking, “So do you feel like a murderer since you had the abortion?” immediately passes judgment by imposing personal morals and denotes inferiority.   Questions that seem confrontational should be avoided as well.

Making reassurances in the client is highly encouraged as well as reinforcing the positive within the session itself.   Identify the positive attributes of the client by using attending behavior when the client makes a discovery about himself.

It is often immediately after a funeral that those grieving will experience the greatest sense of loneliness.  This is when the bulk of the grieving process takes place.  Beginning a few weeks after a funeral, a Metaphysical Counselor should remain in regular, but not constant, contact.  This may be no more than an email, or a brief phone call, but it something to let them know they are not alone.  A counselor should also be aware of well-meaning friends and relatives who try to distract the bereaved from their pain by “keeping them busy.”  This is very counter-productive to the grief healing process.  When necessary, the counselor can explain this both to the bereaved and their well-meaning distracters.  It is a spiritual as well as psychological truth that the only way to get through pain is to “heal through” the pain, not try to avoid it.  Provide the client with an atmosphere suitable for emotional release.  Emotional release means that the emotions become free to respond to any given situation with what that situation actually calls for.  Instead of repressing it, the Metaphysical Counselor is allowing the bereaved to surrender to the expression while it is happening and letting it takes its course freely.  The counselor helps the client maintain as much of a state of openness and acceptance as possible.  Allowing the emotional release to show the client what it has to teach.

Taking into account any knowledge that a specific belief has regarding death and the afterlife, a Metaphysical Counselor can guide a client through communication, both verbal and non-verbal.  Clients with different beliefs are no different than those of familiar religious persuasions in that they too go through the stages of grief.  Even a
belief in the afterlife and reincarnation does not completely eliminate the feelings of loss, loneliness or depression.  There are many beliefs on what happens to the soul after death.  When working with those grieving from the loss of a family member or friend, various beliefs in the afterlife will come into play.  Understanding these beliefs and acknowledging them in the client are key factors when establishing a plan of healing and release.  For example, for those that believe in reincarnation, the parents of a child that has passed on can take pleasure in knowing the child will probably see this plane again in another life through reassurance of the Metaphysical Counselor.  A Metaphysical Counselor helps to affirm the faith, however weakened, of the client.  To do this, constant study of other beliefs is necessary to maintain applicable knowledge.  Wayne W. Dyer wrote, “Affirm your faith not your doubt.  Faith is the complete reliance on the power and goodness of spirit and that you are always connected to this goodness.  The ability to know faith and affirm it allows it to manifest in your life.”  The counselor is there to guide them back to affirming their faith in order for it to manifest and help them heal through their grief.

This has been but a brief and by no means exhaustive overview of the subject of Metaphysical Grief Counseling.  Although many excellent and scholarly texts have been cited, the literature on the subject is growing.  We do not have to be trained psychologists to provide helpful Metaphysical and Spiritual guidance, but we do need to learn, study, and expand our own awareness and experience, so that we can more adequately and efficiently be counselors.

Dr. Huggins is a Graduate of The University of Metaphysics with a Doctoral Degree in Metaphysical Counseling and a Masters Degree in Metaphysical Science.  He is a co-founder of http://www.sekhemonline.net/.  Dr. Huggins also creates hand made spiritually-inspired art and gifts through Scintilla Artwork.

The overall goal of Metaphysical Grief Counseling is to help identify and solve problems of separation from the lost person or loved one.  In grief counseling, talking about the lost individual is highly encouraged to determine if an expected amount of emotion exists about the loss.  Throughout counseling sessions, the mourner may see that anger, guilt, or other uncomfortable or seemingly negative emotions exist at the same time as more positive feelings about the person who died and that this discovery is quite common.  Strong emotional reactions occur when the bonds of affection and attachment developed through a lifetime are broken.  After a loss certain tasks must be completed in the healing process.  These include: accepting that the loss has occurred, adjusting to life without the loved one, and establishing a continuing relationship with the loved one and going on with life.

Counseling a bereaved person is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do.  People are naturally uncomfortable around the bereaved.  They do not know what to say to console the griever for fear of hurting them more or upsetting them.  Often nothing needs to be said to the bereaved to make a positive impact with them.  Some seek counseling.  Sometimes, just being present, or sitting with them, offering a hug, or other forms of support is all that is needed.  Every person handles loss differently.   A good Metaphysical Grief Counseling session is an in-depth discussion exploring the client’s feelings and beliefs surrounding the loss, and actively seeking solutions to the problems that arise.

The primary skill for a Metaphysical Counselor to develop is active listening.  Active listening is exactly what it sounds like, actively listening and paying attention to the clients and their needs.  It also involves paraphrasing and summarizing the client’s emotions back to them to help the client express what they feel or believe.  An active listener also asks questions to achieve a better understanding of what emotions and beliefs are being relayed.

Along with active listening, attending behavior is also an essential skill of a Metaphysical Counselor.  Attending behavior consists of non-verbal communication such as:  smiling; leaning forward; maintaining eye contact; and keeping the body square to client.  A client is less likely to “open up” if the counselor sits with arms or legs crossed in a defensive posture or leaning away from the client as it creates a sense of separation at a time when sincerity, compassion, and affection are most needed by the client.  A bereaved person is more likely to respond if the counselor conveys respect, openness, and friendship.  Both active listening and attending behavior support and build empathy with a client.

Active listening and attending behavior consist of several other communication skills that professional counselors have found helpful in establishing empathy and building a rapport with their clients.

Reflecting is an attempt to reflect the feeling or emotions sensed from the non-verbal cues of the client.  If the client has a fearful look while discussing a past experience, the counselor may say something like, “I bet you were scared when that happened.” or ask “Were you afraid?” in order to acknowledge the non-verbal cue.

Clarifying is an attempt to make vague references and statements more specific.  If the client said something like, “Something horrible happened when…”, the counselor may ask for clarification by asking, “What horrible happened?”
Focusing is an attempt to focus on one specific part of a statement.  The client is recalling what they did one night, and the counselor decides to focus on one specific incident that occurred that night.

Paraphrasing is the rewording of a client’s statement in an attempt to focus on the main elements.  For example: A client states, “My heart was pounding.  I ran as fast as I could.  I broke out in a cold sweat.”  The counselor may paraphrase, “It sounds like you were really scared.

Summarizing is repeating back to the client the key points of the discussion.  This is much like paraphrasing but occurs at the end of a longer discourse.

Dr. Huggins is a Graduate of The University of Metaphysics with a Doctoral Degree in Metaphysical Counseling and a Masters Degree in Metaphysical Science.  He is a co-founder of http://www.sekhemonline.net/.  Dr. Huggins also creates hand made spiritually-inspired art and gifts through Scintilla Artwork.

Building a basic understanding of the cultural and spiritual dynamics of one’s community is an essential block in the foundation of Metaphysical Counseling.  During the grieving process, people usually come to an “outside” counselor because one of their primary types of relationships is not working.  The development of spirit rests in the four major relationships we hold which can be categorized as:

1. Relationship with self;
2. Relationship with family and/or friends;
3. Relationship with God or Gods;
4. Relationship with community.

Usually the reason someone will seek outside help to rebalance his or her soul is that one (or more) of these four relationships is not working.  Typically, the person feels that their needs are not being met by the relationship or are confused about what is expected.  Primarily for a Metaphysical Grief Counselor, the relationship with God or Gods comes into question; particularly, what is expected of the bereaved in the relationship with their beliefs.

The Metaphysical Grief Counseling process tends to follow a pattern of:

• Interviewing the bereaved;
• The discovery process where the counselor collects information about the problem in session;
• A formulation of action to help the grieving person heal through the grief.

Particularly in the first few meetings, the counseling sessions begin by building a sense of trust between the client and the Metaphysical Counselor.  The counselor must create an atmosphere in which the client feels safe; safe enough to disclose feelings, thoughts, emotions and fears.  People need a safe warm environment to discard the protective wall of the psyche and allow themselves to be vulnerable to another.  This creates an intimacy within the counseling session.

Several factors must be considered by the Metaphysical Counselor in order to establish a trusting relationship with the client:

Empathy – The ability to identify with and acknowledge the expressions of emotion that the client is experiencing.

Positive Regard – The counselor, regardless of what the client believes, what they’ve done, or who they are, must hold the client in a positive light with sincerity.  If this cannot be maintained, the bereaved may sense negative “energy” from the counselor.

Genuine Attitude/Honesty – If a Metaphysical Counselor does not appear genuinely concerned about the client’s state, no trust, intimacy, or empathy can ever be achieved.  The counselor must possess the ability to focus on the client’s needs, the internal struggle of the bereaved, and the awakening that is taking place within the client.  This includes honesty, trust, boundaries, and the ability to say “I don’t know,” and not to make one’s self appear more than what one is to the client.

Self-Disclosure – This helps to prove sincerity on the part of the counselor.  Self-Disclosure is the ability to look at one’s own self and share within the boundaries of the counseling session as it relates to the client.  Caution must be exercised with Self-Disclosure, as the session relates to the client not the counselor.  Self-Disclosure should only take place when it specifically relates to the needs of the client.  This action can help the bereaved to recognize that they are not alone with the struggles in the world.  It increases hope and aids in restoring faith.

These four factors, along with basic counseling skills will help build a rapport with the client.  At all times, however, a Metaphysical Counselor must remember that the client sets the pace of the session.  Some problems, especially grief or low self-esteem must never be rushed.  Within the counseling sessions, the counselor maintains awareness that there is an internal struggle with a growing self-awareness taking place within the client.  When healing through grief, some of the struggles will be difficult for the client, others will not.  Growth is not always painful; however, it is an element of Metaphysical Counseling.

Dr. Huggins is a Graduate of The University of Metaphysics with a Doctoral Degree in Metaphysical Counseling and a Masters Degree in Metaphysical Science.  He is a co-founder of http://www.sekhemonline.net/.  Dr. Huggins also creates hand made spiritually-inspired art and gifts through Scintilla Artwork.

SHAMANISM

In his book “Shaman, Healer, Sage”, 2000, Dr. Alberto Villoldo explains the beliefs he has encountered in the mountains of Peru and the jungles of the Amazon, “Life ends with the last breath, just as it begins with the first.  Many have grown up with the notion that when we die we go to Heaven if we were good, but would go to Hell if we were bad.  For the shaman, there is no supernatural Heaven. Only the natural world exists, with its visible and invisible realms, among which is the Spirit world.  Also, there is no independent evil principle in the Universe.  Instead, we live in a benign Universe that takes a personal interest in our well-being.  Evil exists only in the hearts of men and women.”  Many shamanic cultures believe that when the physical body returns to the Earth, the soul prepares for its great journey home.

People who share similar shamanic beliefs explain that they feel the steps they take on their “journey” were different, as they have prepared to meet their own death.  They fully expect to attain freedom at the instant of death, during the dawning of the light of Spirit.  You recognize that you are one with the dawning light and surrender to it.  If the person fails to recognize this dawning or awakening of consciousness, their “sun” still rises and they are given a second chance to recognize their luminous nature.  Hopefully, they then see that they are no different than the brilliant light surrounding them.  Others, however, may experience an instance of enlightenment then slip back into unconsciousness.  They may not even realize that they have passed on.

Many shamans believe that at the moment of death, the veils between the worlds part, allowing the dying person to enter into the Spirit realm.  However, when a person has unfinished business in this world, they are unable to easily step through the portal.  Dr. Villoldo compares shamanic belief to a parable from the Bible, “The biblical parable of the camel passing through the eye of a needle more easily than a rich man can enter heaven likewise addresses the difficulties met by those who have neglected the spiritual dimension in their pursuit of material gratification.  We cannot carry our worldly identity into the beyond.”  It is this purpose that shamans are perpetually preparing for their deaths while constantly reviewing their lives.

Shamans also prepare through “symbolic death”.  Many learn to experience the journey beyond death through Spirit Flight or Journeying.  They believe it is important to learn the path to infinity now, while we still have a body we can return to.  These “journeys” are symbolic deaths allowing them to go to the world beyond death, where they may receive powerful gifts.   Through Spirit Flight and meditation, the shaman learns to map the afterlife.  On the other side of life they discover only life.

Dr. Villoldo summarizes that, “Every religion has a body of work describing the journey beyond death, with instructions on how to attain liberation and details of what we will find when we get there.”  The maps of death and afterlife found in these works can be used more efficiently to help us understand the mystery of being alive.  He concludes, “Once we understand the continuity of life throughout eternity, we attain freedom.  Death ceases to stalk us, and we discover a self that dwells in infinity.”

Dr. Huggins is a Graduate of The University of Metaphysics with a Doctoral Degree in Metaphysical Counseling and a Masters Degree in Metaphysical Science.  He is a co-founder of http://www.sekhemonline.net/.  Dr. Huggins also creates hand made spiritually-inspired art and gifts through Scintilla Artwork.

ISLAM

Muslims believe the life on this earth is only a transition period that precedes the latter life.  Winning the latter life is the ultimate goal.  This is achieved through gaining Allah’s satisfaction and favor through belief in Him and following His prescriptions and commandments.  The reward for those who gain this favor and forgiveness is Heaven, and that for those who strayed is Hell.  The prophet Muhammad instructed Muslims to work for this life as if we are living forever, and work for the latter life as if we were dying tomorrow.  This simple instruction illustrates the balance that Muslims are to work towards achieving in their life on earth.

Islam has made human life sacred and has safeguarded its preservation.  According to its teachings, aggression against human life is the second greatest sin in the sight of Allah, second only to the denial of Him.

Emotional factors should not be used in making the treatment decision since belief in the Will and Mercy of Allah should provide the patient, his family, and his friends with the needed support.  Muslims look upon such hardships as tests from Allah.  Patience, persistence, and hope in Allah’s Mercy not only are prescribed for the patient and his family and friends but also are better rewarded by Allah.

For a dying family member, treatment decisions are typically discussed between the doctor and the immediate family members.   The doctor is trusted to have the scientific medical knowledge.  An Islamic rule, which is relevant to this situation, is that as long as the efforts are sincere and the intentions are to abide by the Islamic rules and follow the commands of Allah, no one is held responsible for the results.  No one is asked to do things beyond his true means and his true abilities.

When death approaches, the close family and friends try to support and comfort the dying person through supplication as well as remembrance of Allah and His will.  The attendance is to help the dying person to iterate his commitment to unity of God.  The family members frequently pray and supplicate for the loved one.  Charity, fasting, prayers, and pilgrimage are often performed on behalf of the dead.  Visiting the graves is recommended for the living to remember death and the day of judgment.  In Muslim teachings, knowing that every person will die when Allah wills him to die, we all are asked to only do our best, within the Islamic regulations, in whatever decisions we take.

Dr. Huggins is a Graduate of The University of Metaphysics with a Doctoral Degree in Metaphysical Counseling and a Masters Degree in Metaphysical Science.  He is a co-founder of http://www.sekhemonline.net/.  Dr. Huggins also creates hand made spiritually-inspired art and gifts through Scintilla Artwork.

HINDUISM

Death is the most fateful experience of each of our lives, but no Hindu really fears death, nor does he look forward to it.  Death for the Hindu is merely transition, simultaneously an end and a new beginning.  A well-known Hindu scholar, Sivaya Subramuniyaswami once wrote that to reach this state of mind, a Hindu is taught, “When key truths are understood and accepted about the nature of the soul and the cycles of birth, life, dying, death, afterlife and rebirth, all sense of foreboding and fear of death perish.”

For Hindus, death is referred to as mahaprasthana, the “great journey”.   When all the lessons of one’s current life have been learned and karmas reach a particular point of intensity, the soul leaves the physical body, which then returns to the earth.  The soul body that still exists contains the awareness, will, memory and intelligence that we call “ourselves”.   The dying process is a natural experience and need not be feared.  Sivaya Subramuniyaswami describes death as, “…a quick transition from the physical world to the astral plane, like walking through a door, leaving one room and entering another.”  With this knowledge, Hindus can approach death as a spiritual opportunity.  To a Hindu, we are not the body in which we live but the immortal soul which inhabits many bodies in its evolutionary journey.  Our soul is that which never dies, even when its outer sheaths change form and perish as they naturally do.  The soul body has a form just as the astral body has a form, but it is more refined and is of a more permanent nature.  It is this body, which reincarnates, creating around itself new physical and astral bodies, life after life.

Regarding the inevitability of death and psychological impact it has on society as well as individually, Hindu culture and society nurtures the necessity to be prepared to die, and whether is happens suddenly or slowly, intuitively, each individual knows exactly what he is experiencing and about to experience.  This preparation aids in the grieving process somewhat.  Hindus are taught not to cry for the dead; you will make them unhappy.  The sadness at death comes from Western attitudes.  These attitudes need to be reversed.  The dying loved one should go over their belongings and their will so that others will not have to deal with those things after their passing.  After everything is settled, all personal possessions disposed of; he then begins meditation and waits for the hour, trying to exit through the crown chakra to gain entrance into the highest heaven and not have to come back.  Life, death and afterlife are all part of our path to perfect oneness with God.

The fear of death is a natural instinctive reflex.  The fear of change or fear of the unknown is an ominous element in the destiny of a human being.  The pursuit and comprehension of the laws of reincarnation can alleviate this fear and bring and enlightened vision of the rhythms of life and death.

Dr. Huggins is a Graduate of The University of Metaphysics with a Doctoral Degree in Metaphysical Counseling and a Masters Degree in Metaphysical Science.  He is a co-founder of http://www.sekhemonline.net/.  Dr. Huggins also creates hand made spiritually-inspired art and gifts through Scintilla Artwork.