Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

What would the Ancient Egyptians do?

I wonder if they had toenail fungus in Ancient Egypt. I spend a lot of time there mentally, and upon contracting the dreaded chronic disease a few weeks ago, I immediately looked for help in the old lore. They had odd remedies and could mummify human beings for eternity. How hard can toe fungus be? They had the secrets of life all figured out and how to conquer death with dignity and luxury. Why not conquer feet before one’s final hours.

Well apparently as far as I can tell the insidious fungus wasn’t one of their serious problems. I doubt if they gave it a second thought. They gave a lot more consideration to extracting bitumen and learning the art of body preservation. Death met their match in the prevailing technology. It was pretty advanced and sophisticated. Dying was reduced to a flurry of activity to prepare for the afterlife, one that would be glorious and laden with riches (at least for the wealthy).

But toe fungus—not an issue. So I have to resort to my own modern day research resources on the Internet to see what I can do myself. Probably nothing. I hate the ugly affliction. Your toes become yellow or black and look as if the flesh is rotting beneath. So many of the different liquid applications that I’d tried were just a bogus remedy and waste of hard-earned money until I discovered this web site and a product that they recommended as the best treatment for toenail fungus called Zetaclear.

The easy way is a course of pills for two weeks, but I am told they eat your liver alive. So which remedy do I pursue? None. They are all too scary. I will wear socks with my sandals and hide the fungus from the world. I don’t want to gross anyone out, especially the fairer sex. (Someone might think I have leprosy.) I don’t want to risk my life for vanity after all. It isn’t life-threatening, just ego debasing. I will try to will it away as I do headaches and a stiff neck.

There must be some exotic herb you can take that is not harmful to your insides. I start thinking about the Egyptian wrapping each body part gently and painstakingly—one by one. Mine will be toast if I take anything weird. I would like to apply something chemical that only soaks in as far as the nail bed. Am I giving my feet too much thought?

I welcome home remedies from readers. Some say bleach, some say vinegar. What say you? I have heard of old wives’ tales and am willing to try them if you have. Just let me know the results and help put me out of my misery. I would like to go barefoot, squishing my toes in the soft, warm sand this summer, and then show them to the world as I lay on my beach towel in bliss without having some little kid walking by and yelling, “Mom, his toes are gross.”